| Talk with the other person | - State your concern from your perspective, for example:
- Deadlines can’t be met when or, if…
- It’s difficult to concentrate when you...
- A positive outlook is difficult if or, when...
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| Focus on the behavior and events, not on personalities or motives | - Say, “When this happens…” or, “When you do…”
- Describe a specific instance or event instead of generalizing.
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| Listen carefully | - Listen to what the other person is saying instead of getting ready to react.
- Acknowledge feelings or cooperation.
- Avoid interrupting the person.
- Reflect on your thinking, feelings, and behavior.
- Ask questions to clarify your understanding.
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| Identify points of agreement and disagreement | - Summarize the areas of agreement and disagreement.
- Reflect on your assessment.
- Ask the other person if he or she agrees with your assessment.
- Get agreement or summarize.
- Give the other person time to process the information.
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| Consult other resources | - Discuss the issues with other trusted resources such as:
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| Develop a plan | - Prioritize the issues of conflict.
- Search out options.
- Focus on the future.
- Re-prioritize or refocus, if appropriate.
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| Get closure | - Look for shared interest and/or solutions
- Ask for commitment or agreement
- Offer your commitment or follow up
- Summarize the issues and solutions.
- Compliment or acknowledge the other person’s efforts.
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